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Im not sure if your website is still operating but if it is then heres
a
story for you. Im an ex-JET from Kumamoto Ken.
I remember the orientation in Tokyo. A newly found British friend and
I, brought closer by several G&Ts at the British Consul, where discussing
the merits of the Japanese.
"Well, I just don't find them attractive"
"Yeah, it's not like I can't see what other people might see in them.
They're just not for me."
"They all look the same anyway"
"Cheers"
A pretty deep conversation. I put my lack of understanding down to the
fact I was a recent University gradutate. Never a good start for educating
yourself about the real world.
And so the plane flew us to Kumamoto. I was met by a small overly enthusiastic
woman (never trust those sorts, they tend to burn out rather too quickly)
who whisked me away to her car. We started driving. 2 hours later we were
still driving and I hadnt seen any sign of life for the last 30 minutes.
I was beginning to panic. Where on earth was I heading. In Britain a 2
hour car journey is a significant excursion. Probably a vacation of some
sort. When we finally arrived in the small inaka town I was quickly settled
in to a cat loving family who promptly served me hamburgers. (I had stated
specifically on my forms my allergy to cats and the fact that i was a
vegetarian)
Time passed. 2 months later I was beginning to notice the men. Not that
there was a great choice in the "town". Anyone over the age
of 18 quickly seemed to escape to the city for the next 20 years. Still
there were one or two who caught my eye. I remember thinking that the
Japanese guys were actually OK looking once you got used to them.
3 months in I headed off to visit a friend in Osaka. Drunk at a disco
I finally caved in and kissed a Japanese guy on the dancefloor. I was
very surprised to find that it was no different from my drunken encounters
on British dancefloors and proceeded to inform my male friend, who listened
very patiently, about my findings. B
ack in Kumamoto I put my new findings to good use, accumulating an impressive
tally of kisses that my fellow British friend did her best to keep up
with at the other end of the ken. However, kisses werent enough. I wanted
a relationship.
My chance came on a week long trip to China. I was studying kung fu in
my town and the trip to Shaolin was arranged in conjunction with a dojo
in the city. I spotted "Fukuda-san" straight away. He was, after
all, the only guy on the trip in their twenties. Plus he was the instructor
from the city and had a nice arse. Again I was young and such things seemed
important then. After plying him with vodka on the final night (a good
British technique for picking up) I made my move and was surprised when
he seemed interested.
We arranged to meet up when we got back to Japan. We dated for three months.
It was, well, how can I put this, probably the most superficial relationship
I have ever had. I would often try to bring depth into our conversations
with such classic one-liners, in caveman-like Japanese, as, "So,
you believe God?" or "What happen when die?" TO which he
would reply "ei to..." and then just smile.
He, for his part, put up with my attempts to make us a "real"
couple. Endless trips to the purikura machine, singing love songs at karaoke...
and I tried to ignore the fact that no-one knew we were dating and that
he refused to show me his home. When I left Japan that summer I remember
him promising to wait for me. I, some what stupidly, believed him.
By the time nine months had passed and I returned to Japan to work for
a language school, I knew that was just not the case. We finally managed
to meet after 4 weeks and several phone calls from me. He told me there
was a new girl and that it had been very hard for him. I was informed
that it was very difficult for him because people had been asking if he
was involved with me and he hadnt known what to say. It seemed to me that
the obvious answer would have been "yes". For him the whole
thing was a fling. For me it was a desperate attempt at making a connection.
I had been pretty lonely at times in my town.
4 years after JET and things have changed. I have a shaved head and am
about
to teach kids in the middle of the Amazon rainforest in Peru. I have
been
with my Japanese boyfriend for a year and a half now. I met his
parents, he
met mine. When we were in Japan together he would even hold my hand in
public. Although we've been at opposite sides of the world for some
months
now, we are still going strong. We were friends first. His friends are
my
friends and my friends are his.
From seeing relationships that my friends have been in in Japan it would
seem that there are the two extremes you will generally come across -
the fling and the serious relationship. My advice would be not to delude
yourself that the first type is actually the second.
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